Compromises in Arranged Marriages – should we, or should we not?

Just a decade back most people were conditioned to think that compromises and sacrifices are part and parcel of a long lasting marriage. Today, many of us who are looking for our perfect match, hate the word compromise. Be it a girl or a guy, we want a match who fits the jigsaw puzzle of our lives easily without the word ‘COMPROMISE’.

A ‘suitable guy’ should have the ideal height, pay package, right dressing sense, be handsome, caring, should not be possessive,  and let the girl work till wee hours, have a cook at his home, should have a naive mother who has least expectations from her daughter-in-law, should speak Prada, and know how to talk and walk! On the other hand, ‘the right girl’ should be modern yet traditional, be fair, slim, a good cook just like his mother and should be back home by 5 PM to do the household chores.

Well, a relationship can be about compromises but in arranged marriages we expect high level of perfection from each other. From the right length of moustache to the right kind of salary, we end up making a big wish-list for ourselves. We forget that marriage, be it love or arranged, is about two people coming together from varied backgrounds and lifestyles, with different ideologies and thinking. So, the word compromise automatically enters the day we decide to tie the knot!

When we talk about finding our Mr. or Ms. Right, we forget that we are not so perfect ourselves. The reality is that compromises have to be made in smaller or larger dozes in any kind of a relationship. Just because we are going in for an arranged marriage, does not mean that we demand a life partner who scores a perfect 10 on our scale of expectations. The arranged marriage system or a good fix up will never guarantee a zero compromise policy. What we need to ask ourselves is how much are we ready to compromise for a lasting marriage?

Love or arranged, one always gets married to a stranger in the end! On a realistic note, whatever our expectations be in terms of our personal or professional life, we should convey them to our better half and listen to theirs too.  Instead of choosing a life partner just on the basis of income, education, background and looks, we should spend some more time knowing the other person before taking the big leap. Share our dreams, fears and aspirations and see how accommodating we are to each other. When on a deeper level, we both value the same things in life and respect each others aspirations, some compromises come easily and naturally.

PS: We would never suggest you to lose yourself or your identity in the wake of making compromises in a marriage or a relationship, because there are some walls we can push through and some we just can’t!


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