And Welcome, You’re Home!

Relationships. They’re quite funny, if you think about them. According to Malcolm Gladwell, the author of ‘Outliers’, if you spent 100,000 hours on a project – any project – skiing or Calculus or cooking – you’d become a pro at it. So, that means if we spent 100,000 hours practicing relationships, we’d be great at them. (Should we consider relationships a ‘project’ is another issue altogether. But why the heck not? We see them as destiny or life’s axiomatic pranks anyway. A ‘project’ is a far less far fetched idea.) Coming back to relationship practice. If we spent that much time with people, we’d be happy with them and they’d be happy with us. Finding the right person wouldn’t be hard. Staying with the right person would be easy.

But we do spend that time with people. Now, 100,000 hours is approximately 11 and a half years. And we’ve all had 11 and a half years at least of being with people. (If you’re not yet 11 and a half years old, you shouldn’t be on this website yet. Go, do your homework.)

Then why do we not have all the answers? Why do we still get into situations where the heart will lurch and the gut will throb and we’ll be in the pain-pleasure chasm where we won’t know what to do?

Like believe you’ve completely moved on. Yet, you can’t choose your favorite ice-cream flavor because it reminds you too much of a happier past. Or think you have ‘your type’ all figured out, only to go moony-eyed over someone completely different. Or you get to this inconvenient, empty stage when you can’t even talk to your partner without thinking ‘What’s the point?’ Or when an aching loneliness hits when you step into an empty apartment. Or when you miss having a reason to leave parties early for. Or walk away from a cheating partner, knowing deep down that you’ll never fall out of love with him or her.

Maybe we can’t be wise and be in relationships at the same time. Maybe losing orientation is part of its jagged, beautiful territory. And maybe this is exactly where comes in.

We definitely don’t have all the answers. But we have some. We can’t guarantee you won’t fall into the chasm. But we’ll throw you a rope. We can’t spot who’ll be right for you. But we can hazard some pretty good guesses.

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As you make your way through this magical wilderness of finding, meeting, keeping the ‘right one’, you’re bound to lose your bearings. When that happens, come to us.

Because this much we know – you’re not lost. You’re home.

photo: D Sharon Pruitt

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